MUSSELS, $2.99/LB. MORE LIKE $6.00 YOU HIPPIE SWINDLERS!

(Yelling is funny) I bought some mussels from the Bowl today, for the first time in too long. PEI mussels, to be precise, as in The Good Stuff. I took them home, washed them off, and started pulling beards and checking for corpses. Half of them were corpses. Half. That isn’t right. Mussels that are open when you buy them have finally realized the profound futility of their situation, holding in that last watery breath in an airy glass case far, far from the briny depths where their cousins frolic and play in maritime molluskan bliss, and have relinquished their vice-like grip on this world. In short, they are dead, and have been so for an indeterminate amount of time, time in which bacterial hellions have most likely ransacked their limp cadavers and left naught but Perversion. This is half of what they sold me. The other half were tender and delicious without a trace of sand, much as one might expect from Prince Edward’s finest Island.