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· 1ST OF JULY, THE YEAR 2002I HATE ENGLISH MAJORS
I hate English Majors, a poem by Ken-ichi
English majors are so
stupid.
They think they are so smrt because they can spell and
Say made-up words like
‘diagetic’
and corrupt
perfectly
reasonable
words
like ‘resonate’
just to inflate their own sense
of self worth
like so many balloons
full of dog poop.
I hate english majors
They are so dumb
they think poetry does not suck
just because there a
re line br
eaks
in annoying places
and. fau;lty p|_||\|ktu4t10n
and vague symbols with so little
underlying meaning that the whole stupid thing conveys nothing
at all, except how stupid poets and people who read poetry are.
English majors have no future.
If a dinosaur were about to eat one, the English major wouldn’t know
what to do
because all English majors read is literature
and James Joyce didn’t write jack
about fighting Megasaurus.
All he had was a missing eye
and he didn’t really have that, did he.
What a dork.
And since the future will be filled with dinosaurs, English majors are
soon to be a dying
breed.
English majors never shut up.
They just keep talking until
they realize
everyone has left the room.
Especially when they only sort of know what they’re talking
about. But
they never actually conclude anything
because they are stupid English majors.
That is why English majors are stupid.
4 COMMENTS
My inner Dave broke free for an evening. I also spent 14 hours playing Diablo II without urinating, did ungodly things to a stuffed whale, a-a-a-a-a-and told endless, repetetive stories about my hilarious highschool hijinks while impersonating Marek Demianski.
Was this poem ghost-written by Dave, or has he won another convert to his life philosophy?
i am a slave
in chains of dollar bills
my bonds are federal issue
…heh.
a) 14 hours is much longer than an evening
b) you don’t have a stuffed whale to masterbate with
c) I do not and have never masterbated with Booboo
d) while english majors are stupid, I don’t try to be an english major to demonstrate how stupid they are. You see, I much prefer the method of forceful opinions, such as:
Dave: Andy, English is stupid
Andy: No, it is clearly show in lit-rit-ture by Benjamin Franklin and Moby Dick that English is good.
Dave: No, you’re wrong. I win.
Andy: No I’m right
Dave: Nope, this arguement is over, English sucks.
Andy: That’s ridiculous, it’s completely arbitrary.
Dave: No it’s not, English is clearly stupid.
.
.
.
.
ad infinitum ’till exhaustum englishum majorus